The Audio Logs of Samus Aran
by The Real Sidekick
Summary: Recently found audio logs of everyone's favorite bounty hunter shed some much needed light on this woman and her sanity. Might add more chapters later.


_Audio Logs of Samus Aran Activated. _

**Entry One**

**Date: 10/17/2435**

**Time: 0914**

**Location: Chozo Home world- Private Quarters of Samus Aran**

"All right, I don't know if this thing works, hang on…testing one, two. All right, I hope this audio journal works. If not, I've just wasted several hours of my life trying to set this thing up."

Pause. Sound of scraping heard in background

"All right so this is the coolest thing ever. Today, the Chozo leadership thought it would be a good idea to give me weapons. And not just weapons like hand guns and grenades. I've got a fitting for a whole new, custom made full body weapons suit! Not quite sure what it's going to look like, but it sounds totally awesome. Anyway, I'm scheduled to meet with the outfitters at 1100 in the main armory to get it all. Sorry, I know I just said that but this is so freakin' AWESOME!!! Me, Samus Aran, getting a state of the art weapons suit is…I mean it's just…"

_A brush of hot air, possibly a sigh._

"Words can't describe my feelings right now. Oh yeah, I kinda borrowed this audio recorder from Larry down in manufacturing. I'll return it, but I'm going to keep my logs and hopefully transfer them over to my suit once I get it."

_Knocking in background._

"Oh Crap. I forgot entirely about my appointment with the federation. They offered me a position as a soldier and I'm thinking about taking it."

_Knocking continues._

"I'm coming, hang on! Sheesh. Well hopefully we'll talk later."

* * *

**Entry Two**

**Date: 10/17/2435**

**Time: 1138**

**Location: Chozo Home world- Chozo Armory**

"All right, so John over there was able to transfer all my logs…yes I know it was only one log, into this suit. Since I know that you can't see it, allow me to describe it to you. It's pretty cool. It looks like a mechanical body suit, but with large shoulder pads. Seems a little strange with those pads but oh well. I've heard what the suit can do, so I'm not too concerned about it, but it still looks a little…odd. Oh, and it's a mottled gray color. Chuck said that the gray would help me blend in with the environment I'll be walking around in. I just shrugged him off. I really don't care about color. Although the paint under this gray is a bright orange. I don't know what someone was smoking when they painted this. First orange, then gray, I mean come on, make up your mind. You hear what I'm saying? Anyway, John's sending me a mean look right now. C'mon, you know I'm just joking with you, bird boy…Oh don't flap that wing at me…I know where you sleep."

_Flapping of feathers. Probably signifies the Chozo known as John flying off._

"All right, so John just flew off. A bit sensitive if you ask me. All right, Chuck…seal me in. No don't you go chittering at me, I just want to get the helmet on. A tiny head on this big old body really makes the situation comical."

_Indistinct Chirping._

"What was that Chuck…Of course the helmet will work fine…I had the finest technology makers in the galaxy make this suit. Why wouldn't your helmet design work?"

_Hissing sound. Probably the helmet sliding over Samos's head._

_**---Welcome, Samus. All systems normal. Power levels at maximum.---**_

"Wow! Not only an awesome suit, an awesome suit that talks to me! You rock Chuck. Chuck? Can you hear me? Chuck? Chuck c'mon, that joke isn't funny. Of course you can hear me….Chuck?"

* * *

**Entry Three**

**Date: 10/17/2345**

**Time: 1155**

**Location- Chozo Home world- Chozo Armory**

"CHUCK!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"

_F__rantic clicking sound of metal and frantic breathing. Subject apparently attempting to pry helmet off with working hand and arm cannon._

_**---Warning: Subject's heart race increasing. Voice tone rising. Could suggest panic in subject. ---**_

"Suit! Suit – I need you to take off my helmet."

_**---Unable to process request. Higher clearance required.---**_

"For taking off my helmet?"

_**---Correct.---**_

"ARE YOU INSANE?!"

_**---Negative. All suit functions are functioning well within normal parameters.---**_

_Clicking continues, accompanied by panicked scratching._

"Why can't I get this thing off?!?"

_**---You do not have proper clearance for removing your helmet.---**_

"Fine, you won't help me…I'll do it myself. Now where can I get a good hand grip on this face mask?"

_**---Calculating factors: Probability of removing helmet using current method is .05 percent.---**_

"Did you have to tell me that? All right…Calm down Samus…we're the butt kicking, pirate killing, meanest, toughest adopted Chozo in the universe. Surely a simple suit doesn't scare you…"

_**---Air tank level low.---**_

"CHUCK!!!"

* * *

**Entry Four**

**Date: 10/17/2345**

**Time: 1215**

**Location- Chozo Home world- Chozo Armory**

"All right, so it's been a few minutes since this suit has malfunctioned and sealed me in. But no worries, Chuck was able to hook something up that gives me air and water and food. Hopefully this whole thing will be off before I have to go to the bathroom…"

* * *

**Entry Five**

**Date: 10/17/2345**

**Time: 1258**

**Location- Chozo Home world- Chozo Armory**

"So it's been a little over an hour since I got this suit locked on my head and we're still nowhere near close to figuring out this thing…"

_**---Subject appears to be blowing air between lips. Note: Humans call this habit "whistling"---**_

"…but it's all right, according to Chuck's hand gestures, it appears that he's called the department head and they're on their way now. Either that or he's telling me about his latest sexual conquest. I don't know…God, I hate this f---ed up place. Wait what?! I can't say f---?! What the f--- is up with me not being able to say f--- when I f---ing want to?"

_**---Automatic voice filter on---**_

"Oh great, that's just great. Now I can't even swear when I f---ing want to! Stop doing that! F---! S---! G---D-----! Mother F-----! A--- h---! How could this possibly get any worse?"

_Pause filled with sniffling and some head shaking._

"THAT RHETORICAL!!! THAT WASN'T SOME REASON TO CAUSE MY NOSE TO ITCH!!!!"

* * *

**Entry Six**

**Date: 10/17/2345**

**Time: 1353**

**Location- Chozo Home world- Chozo Armory**

"Well, this dream has certainly become a nightmare. On top of being trapped in a metal prison that has only one arm – my other arm being a cannon – my logs have censored my words so I can't even swear right. Oh, lest I forget, my nose itches."

_Faint scratching sound as subject attempts to scratch nose._

"D---it!!! I can't scratch my nose!!! WHY GOD?! WHAT DID I DO?"

* * *

**Entry Seven**

**Date: 10/17/2345**

**Time: 1415**

**Location- Chozo Home world- Chozo Armory**

_**---Subject's heart rate has increased beyond normal threshold. Adrenalin levels in the blood stream are high. ---**_

"Oh…oh I know what's going on, hehehe…you all-you all think I'm crazy. But nooooo, not in the least. So what if it feels like my nose is going to fall off? So what! Who are you to judge me? Hmmmm?!! Oh I see you there Chuck. John has come back and now you two are pointing at my helmet. Yes guys, I know that it's stuck on here. I wonder…"

* * *

**Entry Eight**

**Date: 10/17/2345**

**Time: 1501**

**Location- Chozo Home world- Chozo Armory**

"At last! After thinking long and hard, I have developed a way to get my armor off! It's very simple. You see first I'm going to charge up my plasma cannon like so."

_**---Subject has activated plasma cannon. Charging shot. ---**_

"Now I will point the explodey glowey end at my face. See this idea is going to work. I'll melt the helmet off!!!"

_**---Warning. Subject has pointed arm cannon at face. Request immediate change in plasma bolt trajectory. ---**_

"Oh f--- off, stupid log book. All right and with one quick movement. Voila!"

_**---DANGER! Subject has launched superheated plasma bolt at helmet. Shutting down suit. ---**_

* * *

**EEEEEEEEE-WHHOOOSH!**

The Chozo at their workstations surrounding Samos's battle suit ducked as she charged up her beam shot and released the bolt directly at her head.

"Everyone duck!" the Chozo known as Chuck yelled and threw his winged body to the floor. A loud blast erupted from the lab and Chuck knew that Samus had probably blown her head off.

"You're one mean Chozo, Chuck," John said sadly as he pulled his body up. Seeing Samus' now orange suit on the ground, he groaned, "Great, you ruined the paint job."

"Oh get over it," Chuck chuckled, "it was a horrible color anyway."

"You selected gray," John defended as the orange suit began to stir. The Chozo cast each other quick looks of mild surprise at Samus survival before heading back to their conversation.

"Yeah, but it was you who painted it," Chuck shot back, "Hence my saying it's horrible."

"That was a mean trick to pull on her, you know," John said as they stumbled towards Samus.

"What? You mean acting as if her suit blocked off all outside communication?" Chuck asked, "Serves her right for mocking the color."

"But wait," John said as he turned to look at Chuck, "You said you hated the color."

"Oh forget it, let's just get her up," Chuck said as he reached over and pushed a large button on the

side of Samos's helmet, "You know, all she had to do was press this and the helmet would've retracted.

* * *

Disclaimer- I don't own Metroid, or Samus, or the Chozo. John and Chuck are my own creation though. 

Special thanks to Silverwolf05 for getting me addicted to the Metroid games and for beta reading this.


End file.
